ARE YOU A VICTIM OR A VICTOR?

I recently attended a women-oriented event where I got to meet a lot of ladies from different statures and backgrounds. Even though they all came from well-to-do families and boasted of good children, a good husband, there was one more thing familiar between a lot of them – most of them looked unfulfilled. I could sense a lot of emptiness inside them when they spoke of themselves. As they shared, I only heard justifications and excuses {which I am not sure was, for them or me}.

I came back home thinking about them and the missing ingredient in the recipe of our lives. As I tried to dig deeper, the array of emotions took me back in time where I found myself at the same place where I saw these woman standing today.

Suddenly I recalled having a conversation with Mitali {name changed} same evening. I was talking to someone sharing my perspective about women & life in general when I was interrupted by a listener who stood close by, that was Mitali. She told me it’s not as easy as I am making it sound and probably her life differs from mine because of our circumstances – mine must be favorable she quoted.

YES! Mine was favorable because fortunately, I chose to play with my VICTOR CARD whereas Mitali still struggled with the VICTIM CARD.

I just ended the conversation by asking her if she’s happy, to which she answered in a yes. I had nothing more to say, but Mitali looked interested in proving her point to me, so I heard her patiently. When she was through, I smiled at her and told her that nothing matters if she is pleased with herself.

YOU CAN’T PROVE BEING HAPPY. IF YOU ARE HAPPY, YOU RADIATE IT.

Again the questions remain the same. WHAT IS THE MISSING INGREDIENT? What makes happy women different from the rest? To get the answers I knew I had to thumb through my past.

There was a time when my life was no different from Mitali’s. Like her, I would justify my happiness to everyone and mostly to myself. I dealt with my identity continually questioning who I am. In no time I had become a victim of circumstances. Instead of standing up for myself I stood up for my REASONS.

The good thing about reason is that it approves the situation we are in, making it easy for us to avoid responsibility.

Deep inside I felt as hollow as my version. If anyone would dare confront me about it I would instantly play my victim card blaming everyone around me {well I would not blame anyone directly instead boasted to do it for their happiness, collecting more points in my sympathy bag}. Honestly, I feared the consequences which I might have to face.

My victim card was working well for me, but little I knew that it was working against me. It kept me away from my dreams, it kept me away from who I was, it kept me away from being happy, and it kept me away from the life I aspired to live.

I would remind myself several times that everyone must be happy, but I forgot that I too was a part of everyone. I too deserved happiness like everyone else. Giving up game was now taking a toll on my well-being till one day when I found myself sinking into depression and got severely hit by health issues.

Life requires you to make changes.  It puts you in a place where you must question. It is a journey to discover who we are because you have been created to inspire

I knew it was time for things to change, for me to make changes. But I had no clue how I am supposed to do it. But it was time I took the responsibility of my life.

I started working around the resources I already had and best possible ways to work around those. I began expressing my feelings to those who mattered to me. I started focusing on solutions than to problems. I failed multiple times, faced resistance from loved ones, dealt with self-doubt but I kept myself persistent. I got introduced to my VICTOR CARD. Your victor card is nothing but putting yourself in responsibility and integrating all your strength, courage, and self-love.

Tell me something, would you ever let your loved one give up on things which they really want.

No! Right.

Think about it, why?

You offer your support because you know its important to them. Similarly, you have to tell others how important are your dreams for you. But most of the times we fail here, instead of our victor card we end up using our victim card. We build ourselves with other people’s opinion instead of forming their opinion from our perspective. We confuse self-love with being selfish. We easily hold others responsible for our life but would not take responsibility for ourselves.

That’s when I learned about the missing ingredient in my life’s recipe. It was taking RESPONSIBILITY for my own life.

Responsibility is not only about taking care of others people’s needs, but it has a more significant meaning. It means to stand up and be supportive of yourself also in life.

I am not saying it would be easy and precisely that’s why your dreams must be worth a fight. We are gifted with both the cards, it’s upon us which one to use. Whenever you feel disoriented or unmotivated, sit back and think, maybe its time to change your card, maybe its time to fall in love, maybe its time to make living worthwhile, maybe its time to be happy.

Cheers!

LOVE ME WHOLE!

Your goodness and love was the reason which brought us together. Not that we were perfect but we loved each other perfectly, and that was because our intentions were clear. There was nothing wrong with you back then, but as we came close, you were not the same person anymore.
Have you ever noticed
how our skin looks so clear from a distance
but as we look carefully into the mirror
we see our scars so prominently
spoiling our picture perfect look?
Similar things happen in our relationships. In a relationship, when we start everything fits so well without any trace of negativity. It’s that picture perfect look which illusions us to be the only truth. The other person posses all the good qualities which makes him/her perfect for us. Then as time passes our bond strengthens, and we come close, and suddenly we start noticing the scars other have in their limitations, attitudes and overall personality. We are taken aback by this sudden change as if we didn’t know this person before. Its an unusual conflict of realities between what we thought and what we got. It hits our righteousness, and it gets tough for us to accept the character with those marks because they were not a part of the perfect image we chose them with. We further land into the comparison of past and present unaccepting the change and the new side of them.
Before we realize our distance grew smaller, our expectations grew bigger. And we couldn’t believe that this person is the same person whom we liked from a range. We still could not choose this stranger, and in our haste, we tried to return to the same place from where we saw the pleasing picture. We start drifting to get back to our original spot. But no matter where we stand we still hold on to the memory of those scars and the distance never looks good enough, so we sail more n more till the moment we realize we have actually lost the sight of the person itself. We are only left with a void between each other, hard to fill and harder to nil.
Then starts the agony of loss. Agony! Because we never wanted to lose the person in first place. We just wanted to clear him off the scars so he could again be the same person we fell in love with. But we forgot that his marks were as real as he was.
Human beings are not made of bits and pieces rather they are whole and that’s how they are meant to be loved, in wholeness with wholeness.
cheers!